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HawkEye is a Sunday feature from Chris Hawke, who analyses his favourite news topic of the week.

Michael Phelps is undoubtedly a great man. While outside the pool he's just another freakishly tall, fully shaven member of the general public (Eww), when he gets inside his cholorine-filled kingdom, nothing can stop him. He's the Usian Bolt of the water, the Roger Bannister of fluids, the Paula Radcliffe of a state of matter with slightly far-apart particles. The man becomes a merman, elegantly slicing through the deep blue like a katana through milk, pushing his bulky figure to the max as he gets from one end, then does a little flip thingy underwater, then swims back. He's an American hero, a bastion of physical prowess, and really, really fast at swimming. It's a shame, then, that's he's going to kill Kinect.

Disclaimer: I have nothing against Kinect. In fact, I have nothing against Move, or the Wii, either. I'm not the most tech-savvy person, which is probably why all three products amaze me like a cat playing with string. Kinect's like the film with Tom Cruise! How amazing! Move is perfectly 1:1, with that awesome glowing ball! How incredible! The Wii has all the Nintendo charm in the tiny white box! It's genius! All motion controllers will tickle that childish glee I retain from watching countless sci-fi movies and in this respect, Kinect is probably most impressive, with no controller whatsoever. Controling games with just your body is mindblowing to a simpleton like me, but it's also Kinect's downfall. And Michael Phelps is going to be the one to exploit this fault.

Meet Michael Phelps: Push The Limit.

Cool trailer, no? While having a midnight swimming race in an abandoned pool is just the sort of creepy likely to get you arrested, if you've ever wanted to take on the big boys in swimming, Push the Limit is for you. And unlike most games, you'll be able to control the swimmer with your entire body! What could possibly go wrong?

How the HELL is that going to work? How in the name of all that is good and holy will a player be able to swim using Kinect? Oh, I'm sure those in space will probably be able to tilt their body sideways and have a good go at it, but I'm not in space. I'm on Earth. And here, gravity and stuff means you can't tilt your body sideways. So how else do you control Push The Limit? Stand and wave your arms in front of you like you're desperately swatting flies downwards? Do a handstand and kick your legs until your room is nothing but shattered glass and broken valuables? Push The Limit is exactly what is wrong with Kinect.

It's a game that's shoehorned into a very good piece of technology for no good reason. "Hey, y'know what needs physical movement?", said Bill in the company meeting. "Swimming. How's about we do a swimming game?". "But there are a plethora of problems with the concept, a myriad of issues with the idea.", interjected Craig. "How will people be able to control the character?". "Well....we can get Michael Phelps on the cover.", returned Bill. "Aww, sweet! Let's do it!". So they finsihed their Twix, and Bill and Craig went to work on a game that didn't ever need to be made. Push The Limit is shovelware, those games that are made on a whim, a prayer, and a famous name on the cover. It's games like this that will kill Kinect, burying possibly killer apps under mountains of tripe.

Michael Phelps will kill Kinect because he will only add to that tripe. And chances are, he might be the worst tripe of the lot.

Still, great swimmer.

 

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